Thursday, April 8, 2010
SATIRE: On the Origin of Republicans
New fossils may fit in gap between apes and humans (now occupied by republicans)
Like their descendants the GOP, these hominids were insecure, skittish, and had great disdain for everyone, and everything, around them, even members of their own group. They exhibited the basic skills of a family network and even a sense of values, but like today's GOP, Australopithecus sediba were quite hypocritical and often had promiscuous sex with anything that moved, including members of their own gender. Socially these creatures had no skills at all and apparently did not play well with others. They were angry creatures who were fond of lying, cheating and stealing in order to force their personal agendas on the rest of the group, even when outnumbered or when their loose-knit, and ill-defined, social justice system overruled them. Much like their descendants in the GOP today. The amazingly similar traits found in these two groups are generally attributed to the underdeveloped brain found in both species.
Scientists also noted another striking similarity between republicans and their ancestors Australopithecus sediba, that is their over sized pharynx and vocal chords. This discovery led one researcher to exclaim, "They must have had an incredibly shrill and obnoxious whine that annoyed everyone around, no wonder they went extinct!"